Kyle Barker Is Not Broke!

Over the past couple of weeks, I have randomly seen posts on Facebook and Twitter about Kyle from Living Single being in a TJ Maxx or Marshall's Christmas commercial, and that he is either desperate or broke to be doing commercials at all. Well if you have kids or a husband who ignores you to play video games you should know that this is not true.

Terrence T.C. Carson is doing quite well for himself doing voice overs for video games and animation. He has been the voice of Mase Windu in every Star Wars game since 2002 and is now providing his voice for the television series. One of the most popular projects he has done recently is The God Of War Trilogy for the PlayStation 2 & 3 in which he is the voice of the lead character Kratos.

Now I realize that Denzel Washington is in no hurry to trade places with this guy but he probably makes well into the 6 figures by sitting on his ass reading off of a piece of paper for a few hours at a time. I know this post is extremely random, but this guy is living my dream by making money for no other reason that his voice is recordable.

On one last random note, my mother was never a fan of the show Friends because she felt like that show was a rip off of Living Single. I may have to break this down later.

A New Christmas Classic

Sensual Santa (main)

When my homie P is not searching for fine leisure suits like the one he has on in the picture above, he is crafting beats like this for those who want to do some Christmas day pimping. Download this now!!!

1995 BMW csi

If I was selling dope in 1995, this would have been my ride of choice. Now I know it sounds really negative to say the only way I could have bought this car is if I was selling drugs but all of the adults I knew who were making what I considered a lot of money in 1995 went to work everyday. This car retailed for around $90,000 15 years ago, and unless you sold crack rock or had a wicked jumpshot you were not seeing one of these.

I like this car so much because unlike the other BMWs at the time or even now, it was intentional flashy and loud. If the other Beamers were Brooks Bros. suits, the 850 is something Steve Harvey would wear. This model had a V-12 engine which was so ridiculous that the the end of 1996 the csi could not be sold in the United States because it did not comply with new emission regulations without substantial re-engineering. It was actually electronically limited to a top speed of 155 mph.

Even though this car only got about 12 miles per gallon, I would drive around town all day blasting "Warning" by the Notorious BIG for no reason but to let the suckas know I am not putting up with any foolishness. I would switch it up at night when I pull up to the club, I'd play "I'll Take Her" by Ill & Al Scratch. I hated that group but Brian Mcknight was on the hook of that song to smooth it out, and it just seems like something you should play before you step into the club with the sole intent of stealing some fool's woman!

A Christmas Story

Christmas was always really great at my house when my younger sister and I were kids, actually it is still really good now that we are both in our 30s. My father put up lights like Clark Griswald and filled our house with the sounds of his many soulful Christmas mixtapes. My mom filled our house with black Santa Clauses and since she taught at a mostly white school, her students would always hook her up with all kinds of Christmas baked goods and candy. She was also trying to raise good Christian children so there was always a really fly Nativity scene in the house with a black baby Jesus. I know this is all heart warming but I am about to write about the meanest thing I ever did at Christmas or ever for that matter.

It was Christmas 1986 and in my house we always asked for one big thing. That year, I asked for Metroplex a.k.a. Autobot City and my sister wanted a Rainbow Bright doll. These were pretty easy requests because they were popular toys that would be easy to find and relatively inexpensive. Well the price and availability was not the problem, at least with Metroplex. The problem was with Rainbow Bright. You see, every major toymaker that makes dolls makes an African American version of it's most popular dolls. Ironically Rainbow Bright was the exception so despite my sister's pleadings, that doll was not coming into our household. Now I know that seems a bit extreme, especially when it comes to a little girl's happiness at Christmas but before you new school parents flip out about it let me explain. Understand my sister and I were barely a generation removed from state sponsored segregation. My mother and father made that stand because they wanted to make sure that they were raising proud black children in the suburbs and if a toy company was not into acknowledging our culture they could not have any of my parent's hard earned money.

Well, Christmas morning rolls around and I am the first person in the house up. I see Metroplex all shiny and new under the tree. I pick him up and run into my sisters room and say "look Erin I got Metroplex and you got Rainbow Bright"! She ran up to the living room to look under the tree to see Rainbow Bright was nowhere to be found. I laughed like a little 9 year old douchebag for minute before I saw the dissapointment in my little sisters face and realized what I did was really foul. Some years passed and this became a story my sister and I could laugh at but the laughter never made it right.

A few of years ago my friend Jaime was cleaning out her basement and one of the things she was about to give away was a Rainbow Bright doll in almost perfect condition. I asked her if I could have it and she said "sure". Fast forward to Christmas day 2007, my family is taking turns opening gifts and my sister opens a gift that has a note on it that says "I hope this makes up for Christmas 1987". When my sister saw Rainbow Bright it elicited a jubilant reaction that I had never seen out of her during any other Christmas and when I saw her tear up a little over it, I knew that Rainbow Bright doll meant more to her than I could have ever understood. Now I am not usually in the business of going over my parent's heads, but my sister is a strong, proud, HBCU graduate who is making a good living for herself in Atlanta. I think they did their job well enough that having Rainbow Bright in the house was not going to undo any of this. I don't remember to much more about that Christmas but It was the best Christmas ever.

While I was writing this a random thought popped into my head. What did the parents of little Asian girls do?

Good Riddance

It finally looks like Brett Farve is going to be put out to pasture and I could not be happier. I am convinced that the Metrodome roof did not colapse on Sunday because of a blizzard but because it could not stand to see Brett Farve throw one more interception. For all of his good ole boy appeal, this guy is deep down is one of the biggest phonies in the NFL. If the mainstream media could have stayed off of his nuts for half of a news cycle they would be able to see it like I see it. This year he got a 2 million dollar raise and did not go to training camp. Anybody else they would be considered lazy & greedy, but when it is Farve, he just doesn't need as much practice as everybody else. Maybe he would have been in a little better shape for this season if he had gone to traing camp instead of throwing the ball around with high school kids in Mississippi. If Tom Brady, Drew Brees and Peyton Manning can show up for training camp and lead thier teams with Super Bowl rings earned in this THIS decade, who the hell is Brett Farve to skip training camp?

For all 507 touchdowns he has thrown, this guy has not won been to or won a Super Bowl since the Playstation 1 was the shit, and everyone still talks about how great he is. I'm not saying 507 touchdowns is not impressive but if you are going to bring that up you also have to bring up that he is the all time leader in interceptions as well with 334. I am almost convinced he has hung around these last few years not to solidify his legacy, but to put all of numbers out of reach of the only active player who could break all of his records, Peyton Manning. The only record Manning has no chance of breaking is Farve's record number of interceptions. He would have to throw almost 28 a year for he next five years to do that.

Watching Brett Farve play football this year has been like watching Muhammad Ali fight Larry Holmes in 1980. After 20 years, there have been flashes of past brilliance but the ability to be effective as an elite quarterback has been beaten out of him. If he has any class or sense he will not put that uniform again and save himself the embarrasment of getting knocked out of another game. For all of my hate, I acknowledge the guy is a first ballot shoe in for the Hall Of Fame but since I saw him crying like a bitch at the after a win over the Bears at the end of the 2006 season he has also been a hall of fame drama queen.

The Best Man = Boyz N' The Hood 2

The 1990's was quite a time in African American Cinema. The Early 90's were defined by the rise of the the "hood movie" which would have you believe all that every black person in America lived somewhere near south central Los Angeles, substituted malt liquor for one of the basic food groups and had some sort of daddy issues. By the end of the 90's the pendulum had swung completely in the other direction with the "Jack & Jill movie" these films revolved around all of the beautiful, educated, and successful black people who's biggest problems stemmed from being beautiful, educated, and successful. The movie that defined the "hood" era was John Singleton's Boyz N The Hood. The movie that kicked it off for the "Jack & Jill" was Malcolm Lee's The Best Man. The thing is black Hollywood is so small that many of the actors that were in "hood" movies at the start of the decade wound up being in "Jack & Jill" movies at the end of the decade.

Now because I often daydream when I am supposed to be working, I realized that these movies are linked because The Best Man is what would have happened if Ricky had he not been shot and killed at the end of Boyz N The Hood. If Ricky had gone on to play college football at USC he would have met people like the characters in The Best Man who wound up being his closest friends, and he would have gone on to be drafted by the New York Giants as a running back therefore providing him with the means to finance the lavish wedding in The Best Man. Lance Sullivan is the evolution of Ricky Baker. I will take it a step further because not only was Morris Chesnut in both films, so was Nia Long. Her character in Boyz N The Hood followed mark ass(loser) Trey down to Atlanta to attend Spelman. Atlanta is a long way from LA, so she probably would have become home sick and enrolled in USC to be closer to her mother. That is how Ricky/Lance & Brandi's/Jordan's friends all know each so well and are all happy and smiling in the picture above.

What point about black life and and the portrayal of African Americans in cinema can be drawn from this analysis? I'm not really sure I just know that I really like both of these movies and I should probably stop daydreaming so much at work.

They Meant Well

In my infinite time wasting during the day, I stumbled across something on the internet so funny and at the same time so representative of mainstream America's lack of understanding of some of the subtleties of African-American culture, I had to share it.

For those of you without sisters every toy company issues a black version of it's most popular dolls, except for Rainbow Bright. (I'll explain how I know that later) If you don't already know by looking at this picture why you were never able to find Oreo Fun Barbie at your local Toys R Us, here is the official reason why this doll was recalled.

This doll was originally made by Mattel in a caucasian edition in partnership with Nabisco. Then Mattel decided to do an African American Edition. No one in their R&D department realized that the word "OREO" is a derogatory term for a black person that associates primarilly with white people, an African American person who acts like, sympathizes with, or dates and marries whites. The term is derived from an Oreo cookie, which is black on the outside and white on the inside. Someone who calls an African American an "Oreo" is calling him an Uncle Tom.

This is an example of how much time and money that can be wasted when no one in the R&D department has any black friends. Even if this did doll stayed on store shelves, I am not sure how many people would have actually become angry. I was called an Oreo more than a few times as a youth, and I laughed out loud at this. What's really funny is that during the time in my life when I was called an Oreo my father was an executive for Nabisco, and guess what was the preferred sandwhich cookie in our household was? You guessed it, Hydrox.

J. MOORE'S Super Soulful Christmas

J. MOORE'S Super Soulful Christmas <=Click Here To Download!!!

A couple of years ago my good friend DJ 2 Deep was telling me about how he could not stand Christmas music. I found out it was because despite his extensive knowledge of soul & Hip-Hop, the only Christmas music he knew about was stuff like Peggy Lee's Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree & The Chipmunk Christmas Album which are cool, but that is not what was on the Christmas mixtapes my dad played around the house when I was growing up. So I hooked him up with with some of my favorite Christmas joints from James Brown, The Jackson 5, The Temptations, Etta James, & Donny Hathaway. Now he loves Christmas music, specifically this mix of songs. Burn it to CD or put it on your I-Pod. Sorry there is nothing from The Dipset or Deathrow Christmas albums, maybe next year.

Remember That Mixtape I Told You About Where I Dissed De La Soul?

The College Graduate Mixtape <-Click Here To Download!!!

I made this mixtape sometime in 2004 at a time when I was really into anything that was produced by 9th Wonder & Kanye West (not much has changed). If you dig Little Brother, Nas, De La Soul, Pete Rock & CL Smooth, Jay-Z, Ghostface Killa and Common you will enjoy this. If you are not into those artists we will probably never be friends. Much love to my good friend Stacia who had to gove me a copy of my own mixtape because I did not have one.

David Banner & 9th Wonder

Be With You (clean) <-click to download!

For those of you who have not had your head in your ass, this has been a great year for Hip-Hop. We got great records from The Roots, Big Boi, Drake (yes motherfuckers, I said Drake) , Black Milk, and Wu Massacre just to name a few. One album I have been looking forward to for a while is David Banner & 9th Wonder's album Death Of A Popstar. I will be picking it up when it hits stores tomorrow, and I have been playing this joint heavy since it leaked a few days ago. It is the kind of song you can play with your wife or girlfriend to get a break from all of that shitty music she insists on playing when you are both in the car.

UPDATE: The album Death Of A Popstar has been pushed back to December 21st. 2010.

This Is The Best Review Of Anything Ever!

As much as I like video games, I could not be less excited about Kinect for the Xbox 360. I play video games instead of exercising for a reason. If I wanted to work up a sweat, I would actually go outside. Anyway, Justin McElroy wrote a review for joystiq.com of one of the launch games for the product and it was so good, I had to share it with the 3 of you who read this blog.

Fighters Uncaged unreview: It's unbelievably ungood

One time, I was pushing a TV around so I could watch He-Man while I ate my Cap'n Crunch in the dining room. I was four years old. I accidentally pushed the TV over, bringing it smashing down on my finger. I had to get eight stitches and I eventually lost the fingernail.

I mention this only so you can fully appreciate the gravity of me saying that the half-hour I spent with Fighters Uncaged was the very worst TV-related thing that has ever happened to me. It's ugly, the fighting moves only work half of the time (except for ones like the straight right leg kick, which work none of the time). The training goes on forever before you get to the first round of actual fighting, which is against ... your trainer. It's terrible. I would erase Kinect from the fabric of time if it meant Fighters Uncaged would similarly be lost to the ether.I'm not giving it a score because I think scoring a game after a half hour sets a bad precedent, and I'd rather eat a rain-soaked box of poison buttholes than ever play Fighters Uncaged again.

The Night I Dissed De La Soul

Several years back Maseo a.k.a. Plug Three from De La Soul did a DJ set at a club in St. Louis and I made it a point to go despite the club where the event was held charging way to much for drinks. At this time I was also selling a mixtape I was pretty proud of called The College Graduate Mixtape. Since I know I could probably make some money selling this tape at an event like this, I made sure to throw some copies in my bag.

I got to the club, had a beer, and talked to some girls one of which who wound up being my girlfriend. I went to say "what up" to my homeboy DJ Needles and he was standing next to somebody else I recognized. It was Posdnuos a.k.a. Plug One who is one of my favorite emcees. Now, for those of you who do know I worked in commercial radio for several years so I got a chance to meet my share of artists most of which I did not give a shit about. So when I get to meet someone whose music I actually like, it is a big deal. I shook his hand, had a short back and forth about how much I dig his music and before it turned weird I gave him a copy of my mixtape which had "Much More" on it and kept it moving.

Now, I remember Pos looking at the tracklist of my tape and not seeming all that happy about the free promotion. Fast forward a few months and it all became clear. The song I mixed with "Much More" was a Ghostface Killa track called "Tony's Money" which had the same BPM. What I didn't know was "Tony's Money" was a diss track about De La Soul not paying him for the song that eventually became "He Comes" which was featured on The Grind Date. The verse that wound up on De La Soul's album is the same as the one Ghostface uses on "Tony's Money" but he changed the chorus and goes on a nice little rant at the start of the song about how he does not care about producers and that if you don't pay him his money, he will murder you (create a better rhyme than you) on your own track! Sure, I did not mean to insult De La Soul and I am pretty sure Pos knew that but I am also pretty sure Pos took that CD and threw it in the trash.

Ralph Wiggum Makes Me Smile

If you do not like it, you can go drink some bleach!

The Reason Juan Williams Should Have Been Fired

For those of you who have not been watching Fox News for the past few days the most important thing in the world was NPR's firing of a one Juan Williams for saying this on the O'Reilly Factor. "I mean, look Bill [O'Reilly], I'm not a bigot (this is what people say when they are about to say something bogus), you know the kind of books I've written on the civil rights movement in this country, but when I get on a plane, I got to tell you, if I see people who are in Muslim garb and I think, you know, they are identifying themselves first and foremost as Muslims, I get worried. I get nervous."

Let just get this out of the way, the 9/11 hijackers, shoe bomber, the Time Square bomber and the underwear bomber did not wear a Thobe, Bisht, Shalwar Kameez or Ghutra and Egal. They had on slacks, jeans, button ups, polo's and hooded sweatshirts. Terrorists probably know that wearing traditional Muslim clothing to the airport is not a good idea when you are dealing with a security detail who's expertise about Muslims comes from the TV show 24, Call Of Duty 4 and watching action movies where brown people are the villains. Now that I think about it, as a fan of 24, the Muslim villans on that show never really dressed in the traditional clothing that Mr. Williams seems to be so afraid of. If anything you have less to fear from Muslims wearing "Muslim garb". Thinking critically about the situation, you should be put at ease when you see someone dressed in the items listed above because fairly or unfairly there is a good chance they have been profiled thoroughly.

With that said as a professional journalist and commentator Juan Williams should be able to think more critically than someone (me) who plans their day around completing the daily challenges on Halo Reach, as a man of color he should have an understanding of how easily some of those in the general populous can turn their fear of minorities into unfair treatment and sometimes violence, and as someone who should know how the media game is played by now, he should have known better than to say what he said on Bill O'Reilly's show. Not being consistent with NPR's editorial standards and practices, and undermining his own credibility as a news analyst is something you get a stern closed door talking to about. Juan Williams should have been fired for being intellectually dishonest and for being a fear monger. Luckily, there is a place for people who think like this and they just gave him a $2 million contract.

This Guy Has No Reason To Be Smiling

Yesterday I did something that I have never done, and that was feel sorry for Clarence Thomas. During yesterday's news cycle it was revealed that his wife Virginia decided to call Anita Hill and leave this on her voice mail.


“Good morning, Anita Hill, it’s Ginny Thomas. I just wanted to reach across the airwaves and the years and ask you to consider something. I would love you to consider an apology sometime and some full explanation of why you did what you did with my husband. So give it some thought and certainly pray about this and come to understand why you did what you did. Okay have a good day.”

Now if he put his wife up to this, I feel sorry for him becuase having your woman fight your battles for you in this manner are the actions of a born again bitch. If his wife did it on her own, then I really feel sorry for him because he clearly does not have his woman in check. Most people don't even bring up Anita Hill when they speak about Clarence Thomas. His views on the reach of Executive Powers and the 4th Amednment are much more worthy of conversation. I don't know what how she thought it would be benefiting her husband by refreshing everyone's memory about how his confirmation brought Long Dong Silver into the American lexicon.

Anita Hill did the classy thing when she got the voicemail. She dismissed the request, contacted the authorities, and said no comment. Now if she was not such a classy individual, I see her return voicemail going something like this.

"Good morning, Virgina, this is Anita Hill. First bitch, let me start by saying that I don't appreciate people calling here playing on my goddamn phone. If anyone is owed an apology it is me. Your husband has not always been henpecked and simple. The last thing you want me to do is give you a full explanation about what went down. Back in the day when we worked together at the EEOC, Clarence was a stone cold freak and liked to tell people all about it. Since it is clear that you've got more heart than your punk-ass old man, why don't you quit with the childish phone games and come see me so we can talk this out woman to woman. We can talk about about how I was willing to take a lie detector test 19 years ago and your husband wasn't, we can talk about how your PAC took half a million dollars from a secret donor so you could dress up like an idiot and sell tax cuts for the rich to working class people, or we could just talk about how you need to shut the fuck up when grown folks is talking. Have a nice day"

Happy 25th Birthday NES

The Nintendo Entertainment System came out 25 years ago today. If you are anywhere close to my age this system defined a portion of you childhood and made video games popular again in America after Atari and Mattel completely destroyed the market in the early 80's.

I remember when I first heard about them when they were test marketed in New York for Christmas 1986. I told my best friend Kevin that I was going to ask for one for my 10th birthday. He told me that his mom said they were going to go out of business. Now mind you this is April 1987 and there was no internet, video game press and we did not know anybody who had one so with this information I never even brought it up to my parents. Fast forward 4 months, I went to his house after his 10th birthday, and guess what Kevin got? This muthafucker got the zapper, the robot, and the at least 5 games. I should have kicked his ass up and down Burlington Ave for telling me that lie, but he had had Super Mario Bros & Excitebike so as a 10 year old I got over that shit pretty damn quick. Fast forward about 19 years, as the best man at his wedding I told this story in front of all of his friends and family.

Since I am a huge video game nerd, here are some other random facts about the NES and my life that I just feel like sharing.

When Super Mario Bros 2 came out, it was really hard to find but my parents still found a copy and I got it for me for Christmas. I told the other kids to suck it after I got back from Christmas break. After I beat it, I actually rented it to other kids in my class for 3$ a weekend.

I never beat the first Mega Man, that shit is still one of the hardest games ever created.

Never challenge DJ Metrognome to a game of Super Tecmo Bowl, it is the only game he knows how to play and he will embarrass you with the Kansas City Chiefs.

The games averaged $50 each in the 1980's, which means with inflation Contra would cost well over $100 in 2010.

I am convinced I am the only person who actually liked The Adventures Of Bayou Billy.

If you are friend of mine chances are I don't know your phone number but I can still remember the code to get to Mike Tyson in Mike Tyson's Punch-out. Ask me the next time you see me if you think I'm lying.

Atari was supposed to partner with Nintendo to put the system out, but they turned down the partnership when they found out Nintendo put out a version of Donkey Kong for the Colecovison. They should teach a class in college on how petty shit can lose you billions of dollars and use this as an example.

I gave my NES to my cousin Tiffany when I was in high school, that was a mistake.

My mom told me if we get you this Nintendo, we are not getting you any other video game system ever. She stuck to her guns because when I wanted a Sega Genesis 5 years later she told me to kick rocks.

Keep T.I. in Jail!

Some people make stupid decisions, and some people are just criminals. T.I. is just a criminal. He is going back to jail for 11 months because he could not wait to get out of his $300K Mercedes to smoke some of that good California weed.

I know some people may be broken up and feel sorry for this dude, but I am actually mad he did not get more time. How does a 3 time fellon who is already on parole for federal weapons charges get only 11 months for coke weed and pills? There is somebody locked up right now for 11 months because they drove while suspended and had no proof of car insurance.

At what point as a man do you realize that missing your kid's birthdays for selfish reasons is not cool? For that reason alone, I don't want to see any free T.I. shirts, and he does not deserve any shout outs from anybody. We need to stop turning every rapper who goes to jail into Steven Biko. I know too many people who are more talented than T.I., Lil' Wayne, or DMX that will never get their shot, to miss one night of sleep on these fools who are handed the keys to the kingdom.

Do you know who I really feel sorry for in all this?, not his wife, his kids, and damn sure not his record company. They should be used to this shit by now. I fell sorry for Plaxico Burress. Despite having a previous criminal record that only includes traffic tickets, Burress got 2 years in prison for shooting himself in a club. I may view him as stupid when he gets out, but not a criminal. When Plaxico applied for parole recently he was denied, in fact I think it is a pretty safe bet that T.I. will be doing shows again before Burress has an opportunity to catch another touchdown. I guess Burress should have found someone to tell on when he got in a jam, that is the only way I can explain T.I.'s never getting the book thrown at him.

Body & Soul

For those of you of a certain age, you may not remember a time when female rappers did not have to whore it up, act as if they were mildly retarded and cover themselves in tacky tattoos to get on TV. This is one of my favorite videos from that era.

My Anti-Crash Moment

In the summer of 1992, my family was blessed with the opportunity to go to Spain for our summer vacation. My father had won some kind of corporate contest, and he and my mother got to go to Barcelona for the Olympics. Luckily they weren't like those negletful parents in 80's teen movies, so after they had kicked it over there for a week my sister and I flew and met them in Madrid. Since my dad had been building frequent flyer points for the better part of the 80's we flew over there first class for free.

As I'm settling into my first class seat and soaking in the almost suffocating hospitality, the white passenger in front of me turns around says "still in first huh?" What?, oh I get it Mr. White Man, you see a brother chilling in first class and he had to be bumbed up. I guess I can't pay for an internationl ticket (which I did not) like you, since you can't pay for plane tickets with food stamps. Luckily I said all of these things in my head before I reacted to the situation, because I had forgotten that I had on my Atlanta Braves hat. The guy was not a racsist, he was a baseball fan and yes the Braves were in first place. So I replied "yep still in first". He proceeded to give me the thumbs up and did not bother me the rest of the flight. Relieved that I was not going to have to put up with his foolishness for the next 12 hours I ordered the chicken cor don bleu with lime sorbet for desert, put on my Public Enemy tape, and enjoyed the rest of my flight.

I ripped this from my old blog that nobody read because yesterday Bobby Cox managed his last game with the Atlanta Braves. This is how my mind works.

Guy is clearly not getting back together!

I don't know if he is serious or not, and I don't really care. If they turned this into a weekly show I would demand that he keep the yellow suit for every episode. I figure if you show up to a white persons house dressed up like Curious George's best friend, they have to let you train their dog.

What Don't You Understand About 12 Items Or Less?

I consider myself to be a pretty calm individual. To me getting angry about the things that happen in everyday life is a waste of my mental energy. That said there is something so stupid and petty that I cannot get over, people who don't know how to use the automatic checkout at the grocery store.

I'm a staight up bachelor, so I never buy more than 20 dollars worth of food at a time. I know this sounds strange, but I'm also really cheap when it comes to buying food. I've figured out that if you don't buy junk food and you pay attention to your weekly circulars and use a cupon here and there, you can feed yourself for a week on between 15 to 20 dollars and that includes beer. That said when I go to the grocery store I want to get in and get out, so I use the self check out lines that do not require me to even deal with a check out person. This should usually saves time, but every once and a while it winds up extending my stay at the store because these lines are like rest havens for the mentaly challenged. Below is a list of people who need to stick with traditional check out and perhaps wear helmets in public as not to incur any more brain inuries.

THE NON-READER: The directions in the self check out are not hard to follow if you can read, but if you want to see exactly where the public school system has failed a segment of America. You need to look no further than your local grocery store. What is really sad is that most of these terminals talk in both english and spanish. So most people who can't read also are unable to listen.

THE CHECK WRITTER: It is 2010, why are still writting checks for anything other than your rent, mortgage, or car payment? I'm sure there is a list of things people still write checks for but 17 dollars worth of candy and potato chips should not be on that list.

THE COMPUTER ILLITERATE: If you have never logged on to the internet or played minesweeper on a computer stay out of this line!!! I don't like discrimination of any kind, but when I see an old person in this line I know they are going to add an extra 5 minutes to my day. The worst is when one of these people have to figure out what to do when buying produce because that involves extra keystrokes and even more reading & concentration.

THE ASSHOLE: This is the person who knows how to use the self check out, but does not care that this line is usually for people with 12 items or less. There is a reason why the scales only hold so much. The worst thing about this is when somebody comes into the 12 items or less line with 150 dollars worth of groceries, nobody who works at the grocery store will tell the person to get the hell out of line, so I have to risk getting into it with some mouth breather when all I wanted was some ground turkey and 24 Oz cans of Bud Select.

No, I Wasn't Kidding

Last night, I was out and about and a friend who read my post about people wearing fake polo and asked me if I really got everything I ordered from Ralph Lauren in gift boxes? Yes I do.

You Know I had To Say Something

I'm going to keep it real this whole thing makes me rather sad, not for Eddie Long because I could care less about him but for the believers who's faith is under attack from all sides because of this weirdo and the people out here who are legitimately doing the Lord's work. I feel sorry for the alleged victims as well, but it looks like they will have their day in court. If any of this turns out to be true, the hard working people who are struggling to make ends meet and still giving at least 10% off top to allegedly fund the Bishop's "boy's" nights out will not be afforded that.

Any person of faith will tell you that you you are supposed to believe in the message instead of the messenger. but just like anyone else at the top of their game some of these mega church messengers have huge egos and actually believe their own hype. That can be the only reason why Bishop Long would get up into the pulpit last Sunday with a hair piece that looked like it was made from some 1970's shag carpeting and tell people about throwing stones. What the Bishop said was not the most disturbing part of what happened in the Atlanta mega church, but the thunderous applause that followed his words. These people need to believe in the messenger, because they have invested so much in a man that even if he is wrong, he has to be right. Right?

Star Wars Fans, George Lucas Hates You

I found out today that all 6 Star Wars movies are going to be re released in order in 3D. Now I love the original trilogy (especially Empire) but because I was not 7 when The Phantom Menace came out the prequels don't really hold up well. I would actually watch a shot for shot remake of Birth Of A Nation starring Mel Gibson before I pay 15 dollars to Watch Episode I in 3D.

Now I realize only 4 people read this blog and George Lucas is probably not one of them, but George if you love your real fans like you love black women, do us a favor and just just put out Episodes IV, V, VI. Making us put up with Episodes I, II, III is worse than sitting down to watch A Different World and it is an episode from the first season with Lisa Bonet & Merissa Tomei. For those of you not familiar with that show, it's first season was very popular when it first aired and is almost unwatchable now.

The Prequel's visuals will probably look incredible in 3D, but unfortunately the scripts, directing, and Hayden Christensen acting will still be one dimensional.

I Need A Dog Like This

EMBED-Letterman: Dog Trained to Pick Pockets - Watch more free videos
If you could not tell by the shine on his pants, his hat or gold chains this dogs owner was probably the realest dudes in BK back in the day. Unfortunately his dog did have to go up north for 10 to 15 on a robbery bid. The prison time is in dog years so she should be home before Christmas. Hold your head Shaunte!

US Polo Assn. Is Not Polo!

Everybody has something that they like and spend too much money on. I have somebody in my crew who has a whole bedroom in his home devoted to rare Nike tennis shoes, I have several people in my crew who do not play when it comes to their record collections, and I even know a guy who loves dead media formats like laser disc and has a collection of video game systems that no one else gave a damn about. This guy actually has a working 3DO and Sega Saturn.

My thing is clothes from Polo by Ralph Lauren. Considering I make about $7,000 a year, my collection of Polo sweaters, shirts, pants, and rugbys have been know to hurt people's feelings. When I order items from ralphlauren.com, I get everything shipped in those fancy blue gift boxes. Yes I know that is ridiculous, and no I don't care if you think so. Hell it's free, in my eyes if you don't get the gift boxes you are doing it wrong.

That being said, nothing puts me in a foul mood like seeing someone walking into the spot with rocking some US Polo Assn. like it is actually cool. You can't even get a real Ralph Lauren Polo at Marshalls for $19.99, so you can't believe you are fooling anyone. I would not even mow my lawn in this bullshit much less iron it and wear it to a social event where a beautiful woman might see me. This is an even bigger violation than wearing that bootleg Polo that the Africans sell at Indiana Black Expo. At least with the bootleg joints you could fool someone (not me), and I can understand faking it until you make it.

Before anyone comments about how the lower 9th ward still has refrigerators in the trees and the cops who murdered Sean Bell were not brought to justice, I get it there are much bigger issues in the world I know but sometimes I have to address issues in the world I know.

Underrated Hip-Hop Figures: Heavy D

VH-1 does a Hip-Hop Honors show which gets worse and worse each year. I remember telling someone a couple of years ago, if they ever get around to honoring Master P they should just shut the show down, and what did they do this year? They honored Master P!

One person who should have got his due way before Master P was Heavy D. In a 10 year span (87 to 97) he released 6 albums 3 gold, and 3 platinum. He collaborated with Michael and Janet Jackson. He had a hand in putting on Pete Rock & CL Smooth & The Notorious BIG. As a performer he danced at a time when other rappers were too hardcore to dance and have a good time and he did it without ever being corny. Considering he was a big man, his breath control on the mic was incredible. He never had to rap over a backing track like so many of today's rappers who barely move when they are on stage. Heavy D also made the transition from artist to label head more than a decade before Jay-Z, taking over Uptown Records after Andre Harell left in 1996. During this time he put out hit records by Soul For Real & Monifa.

The thing is everything I mentioned just pertained to music, Heavy also did his thing on the big screen, small screen and on the stage as an actor. Unlike Master P, Heavy D never did never did anything desperate to remain relevant, his music is still good today, and most importantly he never did anything to embarrass his people. The ill thing is they will probably wind up honoring the guy who invented spinning rims or Lil' Bow Wow before anyone give Heavy D his due.

Having Sprint Is Like Being In An Abusive Relatioship

I have a Treo 800w which like many Sprint phones was shipped defective, but when it works it is a great phone. Usually when something goes wrong with it I take it to the Sprint store they fix it right there or replace it no questions asked, that is why I pay for the insurance. I took it in a couple days ago because it was not charging correctly. The customer service guy gave it the once over and handed me a card and told me to go home and file a claim online. Long story short they wanted me to pay 100 dollars to replace my phone with the same refurbished model. I wrote Sprint to complain and ask them why I should not just pay another 100 bucks and get a new I-Phone. Below is the reply I got from Sprint. Please note the spelling errors and bad grammar.

Thank you for contacting Sprint regarding the service plan and handset enquiry. However you a valued customer of Sprint, so I can apply a credit against the phone replacement charge of Asurion. Once you get the handset from Asurion, please write to us and we will apply the credit against the handset charge.

I understand that you want to get the I-Phone. Unfortunately we are providing the I-Phone. I apologize for your inconvenience.

We value your business and appreciate the opportunity to address your concerns. Please reply to this email or visit Sprint.com/mysprint if we can be of further assistance.

Sincerely,
Stacy S.
Sprint

I can only assume that somebody in India wrote this.

Dwele

If the world was fair this guy would get as much run as Trey Songz. He has a new album out called Wants World Women that is worth checking out.

I Don't Give Homeless People Money And Neither Should You

A couple of days ago I stopped at the Walgreens next to my office to buy a Arizona Cranberry Tea (which is really good) and a Sunday paper when someone came up to me asking for some money so they could catch the bus downtown. This Walgreens where I was approached in on 16th and Meridian. For those of you who are not familiar with Indianapolis, this IS downtown! Now not only are you begging but you are also a liar. Had you just asked me for beer money, I might have helped this person out. Really, who am I kidding? I still wouldn't have given him anything.

I have not always been this way, I remember one holiday season I was making my rounds in the U-City Loop in St. Louis when a homeless man approached me. I knew I was in for it because he started off by telling me he did not need a ride. What? After we get that out of the way he goes into a story about how he had survived a stabbing, and that the person who did it has been convicted. At this point I really wish he would get to the point. Sensing that I was growing impatient he asked if he could get seven dollars to get a room for the night and three meals. (Side note: If anyone can tell me where to get 3 hots and a cot for seven dollars or less other than jail please let me know) I told myself that I’m not coming off any money, but it was Christmas time and I had not really given any change to the bell ringers so I broke the guy off a couple of dollars. As I am about to be on my way he pulls the Jesus card to try and get 5 more bucks out of me. This always tugs at me a bit because of a play I saw in church when I was younger about having compassion towards your fellow man as if they were Jesus…or something like that; it was a long time ago. I just don’t want to get to the pearly gates and have Jesus bring up how I wouldn’t give him any money for a two-piece dark with biscuit. Anyway back to the homeless guy, he says in the name of Jesus I should give him some more money. At this point, I had had enough and I say “in the name of Jesus you’re only getting two dollars", and I keep it moving.

Now that one experience was not enough to sour me on helping my fellow man. Donald Trump of all people inspired me to stop giving people on the street money. I was watching this documentary on cable about children who are born into obscene wealth. They interview Trump’s youngest daughter and she tells a story about how her and her father saw a street person in the early nineties. She explained how her father pointed to the man and said “that man has two billion dollars more than me” For those of you who don’t remember at that time Donald Trump was going through bankruptcy at that time. Now I certainly can’t liken my financial situation to that of Donald Trump, but between student loans and credit cards the guy begging outside of the Walgreens has about twenty-five thousand dollars more than me.

I know that is some cold-blooded logic, but I said I would not give money away. If you are a homeless person with a hustle then perhaps we can work something out. In St. Louis somehow the homeless put out their own newspaper, which I always buy. Nobody hustles like the Chicago homeless. I’ve heard stories about how they will try and sell you everything from batteries to baby clothes. The last time I was there they tried to sell me a six-pack of white tube socks. Unfortunately I only had my check card on me. Now that I think about it, that is what I will tell people who want me to give them money from now on. Begging on the street has got to be rough in an increasingly paperless society.

Braylon Edwards' Crew Is Lame

So Braylon Edwards got a DUI the other night which is not cool, but at least he did not kill anybody (this time) . What is a big deal is that he was not by himself, he had two teamates and an unidentified woman (groupie) in the car with him. How rifshaced were they that out of 4 people they let the guy who blew double the legal limit was the designated driver? Not only did nobody in his crew offer to drive or call a limo, but they let this fool drive around New York with a goddamn Taliban beard. The way he has played since LeBron James got him kicked out of Cleavland, the police should have arrested him for stealing an NFL paycheck every 2 weeks.

Where My Killer Tape At?

The most useless part of most modern Hip-Hop albums are the skits or interludes, but if you were a fan of the Wu-Tang Clan in the early 90's you know that this was not always true. This is one of my favorites from their debut album. Someone added animation to it and it gave me a quick laugh.

1987 560 SEC

If I sold dope in the 1980's, I would go out of my way to move enough work to buy one of these just so I could drive around town playing Phil Collins' "In The Air Tonight" on 10 to make the suckers on the block feel weak about it. If I remember correctly Dalton had one of these in the movie Road House, which means if you were not a man who could snatch out another man's voicebox with your bare hands this car was not for you. ROADHOUSE!!!

I Would Not Have Given Shit Back!

If I was Reggie Bush I would not have not given back the Heisman Trophy. They would have to come get that shit out of my house in the dead of night, and they would have to fight my pitbulls, my team of kung fu trained security gaurds, and my cousin who just got out of the joint to get it. I don't know if Reggie has any of that, but remember we are talking about what I would do. In fact I would take it to the next level and ask for an accounting of how much revenue I generated through jersey sales, bowl appearences, and anything else with my name or likeness on it that generated money for USC or the NCAA when I was in college. There is a pretty good chance the money they made off of me is more than the $350,000 worth of stuff he got from a sports management company.

His biggest mistake was not taking the money and getting his people a house, but not paying the jailbird who hooked up the deal back the money after he did not sign with the management company. Guys like that can't wait to get thier cornrows done, so they can go on Bryant Gumble's Real Sports and start snitching. I would have tired to get the money from USC directly. I have a good feeling that after that first National Champioship, they could have hooked that up.

He is not the first to do something like this and because the NCAA has it's heads so far up their assess he won't be the last. In fact, if you are a star at a top 25 program and you are riding around campus hungry on factory rims you need to get your shit together and get it while it is here to get. That last sentence may make me seem some what morally bankrupt, but say I were to get caught recieving cash, free dinners, and a car. I would be judged and punished by the NCAA and the college, and who are they to judge my morals. I am 19 years old athlete who they wouldn't give a shit about if I could not run or jump.

I Hate You Wolf Blitzer

Everyday we march closer and closer to making the movie Idiocracy a reality.